How I like My Coffee

Embarrassing Outfits

2012-02-16T18:31:00.002Z

For the Gallery this week the creative Ms Cain gave us the somewhat scary title of Embarrassing Outfits. I have had a look through the plethora of photo's (I am currently entrenched in Project Scan) so I have seen some pretty gruesome sights.

The combo of outfits + hairstyles, I think, are what makes a truly embarrassing outfit.

I am on the right.

Haircut: Thanks to a friend (not the one in the picture) whose only hairdressing qualification was sweeping up hair in the local hairdressers.
Outfit: This was at a time in my life when no one had told me, I really didn't have the legs for shorts.
Excuse: It was 1984?

I am on the right.

Haircut: And styling, my Mum...thanks Mum.
Outfit: Various hand me downs, knitted by various Aunty's. This is a standard outfit, it was imperative I wore several layers of wool, making me appear..em cuddly...in most photos of me as a child.
Excuse: I actually have two for this one; 1. I didn't dress myself 2. My Mum is many great things, fashion forward, sadly, is not one of them.

Haircut: Long, usually with a badly cut fringe and cow licks making fringe jump up. Here, worn with a black hair band that matches practically nothing else in the outfit,
Outfit: I am going to leave the baggy jumper, as I am still a fan of baggy woolen cardies and jumpers (see above for underlying reasons for this). The leggings though, I have no excuse, I am ashamed...and at the time I loved them so.
Excuse: I was going on holiday, dressing for comfort, what you wear on holiday doesn't count...

Now go and check out some more crushingly embarrassing outfits over at Sticky Fingers (link at the top of this post)

xxx

I've Lost My Muse

2012-02-11T16:18:00.000Z

I haven't blogged for a while, I haven't done much photography, I haven't made anything, created anything in fact, I have been a bit uninspired.

There could be a number of reasons for this; Work is ridiculously busy so I am pretty exhausted when I get home. Money is tight so we go less places and do less at the moment (stupid recession!).

To be honest, keeping the house clean, going to work, making sure the kids get to school and attend everything they need to is pushing me to my limits right now. Hubs is fab and doing is share, it's just I haven't got anything left.

I have been doing Operation Scan, trying to get all my old photo's on to the computer. Quite a long and laborious task, although there have been some great finds. This, for example, my interpretation of Valentine (appropriate) for a fancy dress party I had.

Or this picture of my my Dad at school with his boxing team (approx 1943ish).

So, blogesphere, I need to get my groove back. I suppose, writing this is a step in the right direction. I just need to do it more. Any suggestions folks?

Old Friends

2012-01-03T18:34:00.000Z

Every new year, people tend to re-evaluate and think about their lives.

If you are like me, you think about whats important; friends, family and good health.

This new years day we joined Tara and her family for a walk around the Lickey Hills. All of us (adults) were feeling a bit jaded and worn out after Christmas, but on this muddy walk we all slowly came back to life, chatting about Christmas, what we had done, who we had seen, how good it had been. It cleared out the fog of eating to much and not getting enough sleep.

And as we were coming to the end of our walk and we reached the 'climbing tree' (if you have kids and have been there, you will know where I mean) we saw this.

This is my eldest, Heather and Tara's eldest Dan.

Both Tara and I have mentioned them before, they have known each other since they were months old when they were at nursery together, and just get on.

So here they are, not talking (which is a rarity for both) and just quietly contemplating the view. Sitting together and taking it all in. Lovely - It will be ten years this year that they have known each other. Old friends.

Meanwhile at the climbing tree....

Happy New Year !!!

A Post Christmas Conundrum

2011-12-29T22:41:00.000Z

So Christmas, after all the build up, has come and gone. Presents have been opened and the mountain of recycling, from all the packaging and wrapping paper is clogging up wherever you leave your recycling.

Now Christmas is forgotten for another year (well, until September) and we look to the new year for new starts and new beginnings and it all starts again.

I am now grumpily looking at all the Christmas decorations and thinking, shit, it will take ages to take all this down. It will be all dusty and horrible and there will be sneezing, and I will marvel at how vast our living room is without all the crap that is associated with Christmas.

Now don't get me wrong, as I write this, I realise that I may be coming across a tad Grinchy. Which I am not. I love Christmas. The trouble is our decorations went up the first weekend of December (due to obligations we had on the other two weekends leading up to Christmas) so the decorations have been up for AGES.

I get all caught up in the excitement of it all, I watch certain films to get me in the mood (Love Actually and The Holidays), I build Lego Santa's and Christmas scenes, and they get 'distributed' at home and at work. My children, get caught up in my excitement - they write their letters to Santa and get their PNP message. They get a new Christmas tree decoration each year, or make something. They help me cook Christmassy fayre.

The point is, after all this, it can be a tiny little bit disappointing. I don't know what exactly I am expecting. A bit of real Christmas magic, a personal letter from Santa, a surprise stocking of my own. I have no idea, I get beautiful thoughtful gifts from my family and friends, I see the joy on my children's faces as they open their presents and their stockings, totally believing in all that is Christmas, and I marvel yearly that I manage to maintain this for them, surely that is the magic?

Is it just that I have finally grown up and see the commercialism and the ridiculous amount of money we spend? Beautifully wrapped presents, minutes later all that beautiful wrapping ripped, torn and thrown away.
Anyone who knows me, will know how sad it makes me a) to realise I am growing up, about anything! and b) to think anything beautiful is wasteful.

So a conundrum, maybe I am just on a post Christmas low, or am I growing up. Either way I have only two words.

Bah humbug!

The Gallery - Christmas of yesteryear

2011-12-19T18:52:00.002Z

This is me, I would say it is either 1970 or 1971 I am outside my Auntie Helen's house where we went every Boxing Day until about 6 years ago before she got to ill (she has since passed away). Behind me is my cousin Steve and to be frank I think we look pretty darn groovy! I know that I am looking forward to my beef dinner and then opening Auntie Helen's beautifully wrapped gifts which she kept for us, so Christmas could last just a little bit longer.

For more like this - go here.

The Gallery - My Awesome Photo

2011-12-07T17:44:00.001Z

Wow, Tara certainly knows how to set a challenge for The Gallery - I have lots of awesome photo's because they are little moments in time. My memory is awful so my photos keep my memory's alive.

This is a photo of my Mum and me, back in the 80's. My Mum decided when we were at school she should do a degree to encourage my brother and I to study. She finished the year I got my degree. So we both got our degrees in 1989. This is the day of her ceremony, we were/are really proud of her - which isn't unusual, as I have mentioned before

This is a picture of my Dad, he is doing is 'Goons' face. Think Spike Milligan singing I am walking backwards for Christmas (I am seriously showing my age in this post!) I was trying to be all arty...

And lastly, this one is a picture of my girls. It's a proper snapshot taken at the end of last year in the snow. The girls were sledging, we hadn't been out much as the eldest had been poorly so it was their first chance to really play in the snow. They absolutely loved it. Probably as much as I love this photo.

The best Christmas song ever...

2011-12-04T10:59:00.001Z

The lovely Tara at StickyFingers asked me what the best Christmas song ever was, now this is tricky as I pretty much love everything Christmas related. My favourite type of Christmas Song is Ratpack based and I nearly choose the Dean Martin version of this. Although I do have a soft spot for the David Bowie doing the Little Drummer Boy.

Why do I love this song? I think it's because it's old fashioned flirty and makes me want to curl up in front of a log fire on a cold winters day with my loved one with some mulled wine. So have a listen and enjoy Baby it's Cold Outside. This version is sung by Brian Setzer and Ann Margaret.

I am passing this classic on to Mumra and Julia. Enjoy.

Ashtray's and fat TV's?

2011-11-20T16:47:00.001Z

Have you ever wondered whathappened to all those things that have become out-dated in our lifetime. There are a number of things that I used to use/needbut now use less or not at all.

For example;

Ashtrays, people smoke lessnow, there is no smoking in pubs. My old ashtrays are tucked away in acupboard. I have no idea why. I stopped smoking 6 years ago and stopped smokingin the house 9 years ago. What am I keeping them for? I have no idea. Only oneof my close friends smoke and if people do smoke they do it outside.Apparently, if you placed all the old ash trays from all the pubs in Englandtogether, they would go from London to New York. That is a lot of ashtrays, sowhere are they? Have they been recycled into something else?

Fat televisions, we finally gave inand brought a flat screen TV a month or two ago. We left our fat TV by the sideof the house to take to the tip, by the morning it was gone. Is there now ablack market in fat TV's? Maybe someone is putting loads of them intostorage and saving them to refurbish and sell when they become retro again,like bakelite phones.

I wonder if someone has that muchforesight. Maybe, there are massive warehouses with ashtrays in one and fatTV's in the other, floor to ceiling, hermetically sealed. I wonderif, someone thinks smoking will become all the rage again when there is a curefor cancer, ornon-carcinogenic cigarettes are invented.

What about vinyl and CD's, they arealready retro, and not as fast as just downloading. Downloading takes up somuch less space. The same applies for video and DVD, all the content of theseare easily accessible on-line.

So, yes you haveyour traditionalists who collect vinyl but CD's, DVD's, and videodon't appear to have the same kudos.

I am more aware, of therecycling of DVD's and CD's, but video's what happened to them? And whathappened to all the video players? Back to the massive warehouses, somebodymust have had the sense to save all the trill phones, I mean who'd have thoughtthey would have turned into a retro item. Even the mullet has made areappearance, so there is no accounting for taste and at least you don't needto store mullets. So should I put all my CD's and DVD's into storage and sellthem on eBay 30 years from now when they are back in fashion, or just get rid.

My mother-in-law didn't likeclutter and so my husband berates her whenever he sees some old toy hehad in 'pristine conditon' sells for thousands, on one of those shows.

Maybe, and this is my best theory,all this stuff is sent off into space and rotates around the world in themoons' orbit and then some evil genius who decides what's in fashion, like GokWan for example, decides that it's time to press his special big red button andone of his containers of old stuff comes back to earth as a meteor and justlike that it is the thing de jour.

OK that might be stretching theimagination a tad but you get the jist, unless you know where all the ashtraysare.......?

Silent Sunday - Children in Need

2011-11-20T16:43:00.001Z

Girls Toys Review

2011-11-06T17:03:00.001Z

Today, The lovely Toyologist for Toys R Us ,Tara at Stickyfingers, is having a bit of a break and so my daughters and I ~~bit her hand off~~ offered to help her out. We had three toys to review.

Baby Alive from Hambro

Lola felt she was best suited to review this toy. Her elder sister did not get a look in!

The excitement of a wee-ing and pooh-ing doll was palpable.

With the doll we received two food satchets and two nappies.

We read the instructions and off Lola went. To feed Baby Alive you have to give her plenty of food and plenty of water, just like a real baby. The food is a powder you just add water to and stir.

Lola was very gentle and fed her just like a Mummy. She called her Lily-Lucy.

The hysterical giggles when she had her first pooh was hilarious.

I asked Lola what was the best thing about Lily-Lucy. She laughed and said, ‘the pooh-ing and wee-ing’.

Then more seriously, she said ‘and she has really pretty eyes’. I asked Lola if we hadn’t had her to review would she have liked her as a Christmas present? She said, ‘yes, I love her’.

Since the initial excitement has worn off, Lola still gives her water to drink fairly regularly and we find wet patches around the house. She wee’d on her older sister only today.

As a parent I would say that the only downside of this doll is that there aren’t enough sachet’s of food or nappies with the doll when you get her. The food and nappies were used up in the same day and to buy new ones is quite expensive (£9.99 for 10 more sachets and £3.99 for 5 nappies). Other than that, my 5 year old has really enjoyed playing with her.

Girls World Bead and Style from Ideal

Heather my 8 going on 16 year old, reviewed this old classic with a spin. Heather loved doing the make up for her.

However, the beads for the hair were a bit tricky although there was thingy (I am sure there is a technical term for it, but that would mean reading the instructions!) to help her, and she did put beads in her own hair as a result (not leaving them in long enough for a photo though!).

She said putting on the lipstick was hard as her mouth didn't move (so a softer mouth maybe?), but she still manage to put loads on. With plenty of eye shadow, obviously.

The hair can be shortened or lengthened as you would expect and it is more natural feeling than I remember from my day.

Heather enjoyed playing with her, but lost interest fairly quickly although she has gone back and played with her since. She says she likes it, and enjoys playing with it.

From my perspective, I would have liked it to come with a little vanity case to put all the hair clips, beads, the bead helpy thing, bands and brush in, these are just in plastic bags and go everywhere, but it is a fun toy for any girl probably well into her tweens.

Paint by Numbers from Reeves

This is the third and final toy we had to review.

The box says this is for 8 year old's and over. We got everything out and there was a little easel, numbered paints, a couple of tiny brushes and a water holder. There are also three canvases.

When we opened it Heather was a little daunted by the canvases. The numbers are tiny, the gaps are tiny, in fact, it is all pretty tiny. None the less, Heather started to give it ago, but within minutes found it really quite difficult to complete.

I think it is unlikely that she will come back to it and I am not sure that any eight year old would be able to complete this confidently.

Heather really wanted to complete this but she also wanted it to look good, she felt that she wouldn't be able to achieve this. I think, many adults would find this challenging and would be better suited to an older child. Personally, I think this should be targeted to 12+

(I might try to do these if I have some free time, I like the look of the horse one)

To see more reviews like this go to the Toybox here

Silentish Sunday - The excitment of Fireworks Night

2011-11-06T10:52:00.000Z

I'm taking part in the Kodak Big App Challenge

2011-11-05T13:00:00.001Z

So the clever people over at Britmums have teamed up with Kodak and come up with a great competition.

The challenge is to find a photograph that you want displayed BIG. Kodak has created an easy online tool to upload images and then print them out to create big wall-size pictures.

So if you want to take part Click Here and add your linky.

But for now, as I can't pick just one, here are three photo's that I really like.

This is Lola, on a typically British day at Clarach Bay. Discovering the joy of soggy sandcastles.

This is Heather, a year later, with gorgeous sunshine beating down on her at exactly the same beach as Lola, above.

And now for something completely different, as I am posting this on the 5th November here is a picture from last years firework display.

The Gallery - The Letter T

2011-11-01T21:35:00.000Z

So what is the letter T all about. Yet another curious challenge from miss Tara at Stickyfingers for the Gallery.

Is it about being at the very Top?

Is it about Toes?

Maybe it is about Tongues?

Maybe not.

Or Tattoo's?

No......

Or maybe, Tall, Tall and really Tall?

Or doing Things Together?

You know what, maybe it is all about Tongues?

Or is it the number Three?

I know, this is for Tara. It must be Tall Tree's

Is it Tickles and sTaTic?

Oh, Maybe it's Tag, or Tig, or Tick? (depending on where you come from)

Or Tao Meow our cat?

Do you know what?

I Think I may have missed the point.

I Think this is all about ......

Tara

Who we wouldn't get to do the Gallery without.

You're Terrific.

xxx

Halloween.......

2011-10-31T21:58:00.000Z

My girls embrace Halloween, this year they went a little crazy with the blood...

Heather was a pirate of doom and Lola was a vampire - just to put the pictures you are about to see, into context.

Be afraid........

............

..................................!

Resize image

Officially Amazing!

2011-10-29T13:43:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago the kids, hubs and I were all invited to go to the Guiness Book of Records HQ in London.

Naturally, we said yes we would love to, especially when we were told we were likely to meet record breakers and maybe even break some records ourselves....At this point my natural competitiveness took over and we were definitely going, whether the kids wanted to or not (they did). We were sent the Guiness Book of Records 2012 book to review and loved all the weird and wonderful records it showed us.

So on Thursday we went on our visit. For both my kids it was their first time to London, and I had everything crossed that this would be a good day for them as I wanted their first memories of London to be special.

They were very excited on the train, even though it was massively busy. The excitement level went up a gear when they realised they were VIP's

Whilst we waited for the main event there were lots to see, here is a life size cut out of the smallest man in the world.

When everybody else had arrived we were introduced to the worlds biggest rabbit. His name is Darius and he is MASSIVE. He was clearly used to this kind of thing and seemed completely un-phased by the whole thing.
The kids loved him.

After, meeting Darius all of us sat down and had a presentation from Craig Glenday the Editor-in-Chief. Craig, was one of the most likeable people I have met for a long time and he held the children's attention brilliantly. He gave us a brief history of the Guiness Book of Records and what criteria they use to decide what goes into the book. So for example, the world's ugliest dog didn't make it in (imagine the Euergh's from the kids when they saw this!) because it's not measurable, but the world's widest mouth did.

Once we had finished learning Guiness Book of Records 101, we were introduced to some record breakers.

This is John Farnborough who has broken records doing freestyle football stuff, he holds five world records.

Then we met Sean who is the fastest talker in the world, we watched him recite Bohemian Rhapsody in 47 seconds!

The big hit for my girls was Sam Sam the Bubble man who has loads of Bubble related records and is an official bubblologist. He put little bubbles in big bubbles, he made big bubbles, long bubbles and a bubble called the Loch Ness Monster

But the last thing he did was put both my girls inside the same bubble, they both loved this and I have never seen my smallest so excited.

We had a tour of the offices and met some of the lovely people who work there. They have pictures and display cabinets. On our tour we got to hold the oldest vomit (Ick!) and try on the biggest shoes.

Then we had the official record breaking to do, they had adjudicators and everything. We all got to try stacking dice (or die, if you want to be exact), stacking domino's and building a Mr Potato Head and one person did actually break a record. Which was pretty amazing. Sadly, it was none of my family : ( although we all tried really hard.

And as the end of the day approached, the girls got interviewed, and got to see what next years Guiness Book of Records cover may look like, but the best was yet to come.

A trip on the fastest sofa in the world! It goes 87 mph and the girls and hubs got to go for a drive in it. Fab.

So after a long day, and even though I was non-too impressed with this woman's longest legs in the world. I am happy to say, we all had an Officially Amazing day out at the Guiness Book of Records HQ.

Silentish Sunday

2011-10-23T18:42:00.000+01:00

Love this picture my M & D look super happy.

The Gallery - Faces

2011-10-19T19:45:00.000+01:00

This week for the Gallery it's all about faces. I just want to celebrate one face. My husbands. We have been married for ten years tomorrow, so it's an ideal time to show him a little bit of love via the blog.

So this is him, my Paul.

He's gorgeous, and all of you that know him often tell me how lucky I am.

He's a fab Dad.

A little bit beardy

He makes me laugh....

A great friend

And the bestest husband ever..

So this blog is dedicated to the one I love... I feel a song coming on....

Too Many Tomatoes?

2011-10-16T15:44:00.000+01:00

I have got too many tomatoes, so I have been busy making things with them. I have made tomato jam (yummy with cheese) but my big success is the tomato ketchup. Here is today's end result, give it a go. It's great because there is no seeding or skinning and it tastes great.

Ingredients

2 onions, chopped

2kg tomatoes, roughly chopped

2 garlic cloves, chopped

150ml red wine vinegar

100ml water

½ tsp black peppercorns

½ tsp smoked paprika

½ tsp all spice

2 cloves

½ tsp crushed dried chillies

2 bay leaves

1 tbsp light brown sugar

Method

1. Put the onions, tomatoes, garlic, 50ml vinegar and the water into a large saucepan over a medium heat. Cook for about 40
minutes, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables have reduced to a pulp.

2. Meanwhile, pour the remainder of the vinegar into another saucepan, and add peppercorns, spices, chillies and bay leaves
and infuse over a low heat for 10 minutes. Remove and put to one side.

3. Using a hand blender or food processor, whiz the tomato pulp until smooth. Then rub the tomato pulp through a nylon sieve
into a clean pan, making sure that you have extracted all of the pulp, leaving behind only the tomato skins and seeds.

4. Strain the infused vinegar into the pan, add the sugar and set over a medium heat. Bring to the boil, stirring occasionally to
dissolve the sugar. Reduce to a simmer and cook until thickened and reduced to a thick consistency, about 500ml.

5. Remove from the heat and season to taste. Pour the ketchup into a jug and use a funnel to transfer it into sterilised bottles
or jars. Seal immediately and cool completely before labelling and storing.

The Gallery - Inspirational People

2011-10-12T08:00:00.061+01:00

This is my Mum, she is 82 and one of the strongest women I know.

I have blogged about her before here. In the last blog I explained all the things she's done, which are inspirational alone, but why does she inspire me?

My Mum is a great Mum. I know she loves me no matter what, but has been really firm with me when I needed it.

I was quite unruly as a teenager and needed a firm hand. I think if it hadn't been for her I could have been a bit of a waster. Instead, I stick at things and finish them (sometimes out of pure stubbornness). My work ethic means that I have never pulled a sicky, even at school.

When I was first at college I moved out of halls of residence after the first term as I hated the restrictiveness of it, so I moved into a rented place with a friend.

It was great to begin with, but we didn't cope very well with bills, cleaning and looking after ourselves. My friend had gone home for the weekend, and I got really bad tonsillitis. I walked to the phone box (yes, this was olden days before mobile phones!) and used my last 10p to phone my Mum.

She lives in Shrewsbury and I was in college in London, she was with me within three hours (thank goodness there weren't speed camera's then). She got bin bags and just gathered up all the rubbish and clothes all over the floor of our flat, chucked everything in the back of the car (including me) and took me home.

Once I was well enough I was deposited back at the flat, even though I felt at the time that I wanted to give it all up. My Mum, just told me I had started it so I needed to finish it.

I have several similar stories of my Mum 'rescuing' me, the last time wasn't even that long ago. All I know, is if I can be anything like my Mum with my daughters, I won't be doing a bad job of it.

For more like this - go to The Gallery

Silentish Sunday - This Big

2011-10-09T11:37:00.001+01:00

Another big fish tale, or Lola doing modelling poses. You decide...

Silentish Sunday - The not so Wise Owl

2011-09-25T14:45:00.000+01:00

Went to the Zoo yesterday, saw lots of great animals but loved this owl. The person doing the demonstration was really good and one of the things we found out was they aren't as bright as we give them credit for, infact they are a bit daft.

Make your own animation

Fight or Flight, what's the answer?

2011-09-18T17:17:00.001+01:00

I went out to lunch this week with some of the people from work, and we got chatting about our school days.
Eventually, we discussed bullying, whether we were bullied or not and how we handled it.

The thing is, this got me thinking, what am I going to tell my kids?

This is me, around my first day at secondary school

When I was at school, I was bullied throughout my first three years at our local comprehensive. There was verbal bulling, and physical bullying, I had long hair when I started secondary school. By the start of the second year I insisted on having it short. After you have been dragged along the floor by your hair, you re-think your options.

Towards the end of my third year at secondary school

Rather pretentiously, I told everyone I was a pacifist and didn't believe in violence. This did not help my case.

Why was I bullied? I was more well spoken than some of the other children at school and wouldn't change the way I spoke to fit in. I didn't conform to the dress code (I don't mean just the school uniform, but what the girls in charge thought you should wear) and I had strange and wonderful hairstyles throughout school. To anyone who knows me, this will come as no surprise. Similarly, I was outspoken in class and in the playground, I had a bravery in my convictions that only comes with youth.

I was bullied by both, boys and girls. In the end it stopped when I had finally had enough and punched the main bully square in the face and knocked her tooth out.

After that, I was left alone. (Although, the school suspended me, for a week)

When I listened to the stories around the table, I realised those who did nothing continued to be bullied throughout school, those who stood up to the bullies and delivered like for like were left alone.

I don't want to condone violence, but at the same time the first three years of school were hideous for me. So, what do I tell my children?

My parents told me;

You should stand by your own convictions
Violence is never the answer
If some one hits you and you hit them back, you have lowered yourself to their level
Words should be enough

In principle I agree with my parents, in practise, however, it didn't work for me. What would you do?

31% of children experienced bullying by their peers during childhood, a further 7% were discriminated against and 14% were made to feel different or 'like an outsider'. 43% experienced at least one of these things during childhood.

Compiled by the NSPCC Child Protection Awareness and Diversity Department in December 2007.

Rites of Passage

2011-08-28T11:49:00.000+01:00

My smallest girl is nearly 5, she had her party with her nursery friends yesterday. We had it at home with 15 children. We played pass the parcel, musical bumps and hunted for balloons. There was cake and sausage rolls and considering the vast amount of people we had in our relatively small house, I think, it went well. Lola loved it. (I had a big glass of wine afterwards)

It was also a little bit sad. We had Lola's friends from nursery at the party. Lola finished nursery 2 weeks ago. and in 2 weeks she starts school. As far as I know, none of her nursery friends are going to her school.
So it was also a goodbye party.

If she is anything like my eldest daughter, all the excitement of starting school will get her through the first couple of weeks and she will love it. Then there is the realisation she won't see her nursery friends again.

After that we have a couple of weeks of being upset at the slightest thing, and then the new pattern establishes itself, but it is the biggest change she has experienced and it is a BIG deal.

I am a little melancholy too. My baby girl is starting school, she is growing up. She won't be my baby anymore.

But look how happy she is...got to love them growing up!

Silent Sunday

2011-08-07T10:11:00.000+01:00

For more like this go here

21 more Grumps and this B**ch ain't one

2011-07-31T18:40:00.001+01:00

A while ago I wrote 21 Grumps and this B**ch ain't one

I have decided that this needs to be revisited. I have things that I need to get off my chest and what better platform than my blog.

So here are 21 new things that make me grumpy, confused, upset & angry.

Not my cleaner.

My cleaner, (OK I know, I am lucky to be able to afford one etc..) she doesn't really clean, I think she introduced my mop to my kitchen floor once, but they didn't get on so she has decided not to bother. I keep her on because she irons. Rubbish.
Disney, I am not sure their characters are setting a good example, for example, Alex (Selena Gomez) in Wizards of Waverley Place, basically her naughtiness is the plot, yeah I know, it's my fault for letting them watch it.
My boobs, they are comedy size, bra's cost a fortune and running is not an option. (Maybe I should get rid of the cleaner and save up for a boob reduction...?)
TV scheduling is currently crap. There is an 8pm - 9pm void. This is when we have got the kids to bed and I want to relax, there is nothing on.
My laptop now has three error messages that come up before I can do anything, and it's too big and kinda heavy.
The things my children pick up from party bags/McDonald's/the fair/crackers these things are just tat cluttering up the place. My mother-in-law calls these Disheens (I am unsure of the spelling) but they are exactly that.
Rats, like wasps, a pointless thing. What do they do that is good? I am at a loss.
My living room floor, it looks lovely and all wooden and everything, but we never varnished it so my children constantly have splinters. We are splinter removing experts here.
My children wearing nothing on their feet then crying when they get ANOTHER splinter. It isn't a surprise.
My kitchen floor...too hard to explain the issues there, but it will take vast amounts of money and mess to get it fixed.
My lungs, still slightly clogged so still taking the lift at work, annoying and embarrassing.
Not having enough time to read...hang on, I could do that between 8pm - 9pm. OK delete 3 and 11, that's why it's good to talk...
Water, I have to drink vast amounts of it, when all I really want to do is drink coffee and wine.
Justin Beiber, partly because he goes out with Selena Gomez, partly because he sings that 'baby, baby, baby' song...and it get's stuck in your head. For days.
Why has no one invented self cleaning cars...houses...people?
Why are my daughters quite high pitched, particularly in the mornings at the weekend (there may be a slight correlation here between their high pitchedness and my wine drinking at the weekend)
Why are all my family a long way away.
Same as 17 but please insert babysitters where the word family is.
Why aren't sanitary towels etc on the National Health?
People who misinterpret what you say and change it into something that means the opposite of what you originally meant, usually with a negative spin.
The disproportionate amount of time teachers have as holiday compared to everyone else who works.

And that's it...grump over. I feel much better.

Silent Sunday

2011-07-24T10:56:00.000+01:00

For more like this go here

The Gallery - Grandparents

2011-07-06T22:38:00.000+01:00

I remember 3 out of 4 of my grandparents. My Mum's Dad died before I was born.

This is my Dad's Mother, with all her children, she is front left. I would say she was about 78 in this photo.

My Dad is directly behind her. My Dad, and my eldest Aunt (next to my Gran, front row) are the only surviving people from this photo. I have been to a lot of funerals over the last few years.

My Gran made me sugar sandwiches and peeled oranges for me. She died when I was 18 and she was 86. Her funeral was the first funeral I went to.

It is only since her death I have found out more about her. She was a powerful matriarch and ruled over her children with a rod of iron. Even when they were grown.

Like every big family there were secrets and sad stories.

My Gran lived through two World Wars, one of her brothers came back from the war, but was never the same again.

She saw the Berlin Wall go up, but never saw it come down. She never saw the end to the cold war.

She saw a man on the moon.

She lived to see her youngest son die of a heart attack (second right, standing).

We visited often and I remember it smelt of boiled cabbage (in a nice way), I remember the gold sideboard with the mirror and all the family photos (my brother has that now). I remember the cold of the outside toilet and the hard toilet paper, the warmth of the kitchen and the back living room. The front room was for best, dark, and always a few degrees colder than the back room.

There was a big black (or was it blue) car, probably from the fifties. I never saw her or my Grandad drive that car, could it have been a Humber?

She had an attic room with a rocking horse, one of the proper old traditional ones, and other toys, but I hated going upstairs, it was so quiet and the house was all heavy curtains, dark colours and windy stairs.

I remember her joy when I would turn up unexpectedly on my way back home from Sixth Form, just to say hello.

She was a very moral woman.

I am not sure she would have approved of me, as I got older, and lived with boyfriends. None of her daughters, would have been allowed to do that. When her eldest son did, she didn't speak to him for years.

She definitely wouldn't have approved of some of the boyfriends, the tattoos, or the piercings, but she would have loved her Great Grandchildren.

My Gran died slowly, she had a stoke, which stopped her speaking and moving, but it didn't effect her brain, she didn't have dementia and knew everything that was happening to her. She was in hospital a long time before she died. I saw her before I went to college in the hospital bed, looking small and frail, I told her about where I was going and what I was doing. She died during my first term.

Sadly, the memory I have of her, is her lying in that hospital bed.

But the memory of her I give to my daughters is the one with sugar sandwiches and peeled oranges.

For more Gallery Posts - go here

Silent Sunday

2011-07-03T10:25:00.000+01:00

For More Silent Sunday's, visit here

The Gallery - My Weekend

2011-06-29T23:11:00.000+01:00

Hello, long neglected blog. Missed yer....

Anyway, whilst all the other lovely Mummy's were at CyberMummy11 (I remain a little bit jealous)

My eldest daughter was having her Holy Communion.

As I am not Catholic it has been a slow and treacherous journey discovering what a MASSIVE deal this is to a young Catholic girl...rites of passage...etc..etc...

I have to admit, to begin with, I thought it was a bit weird dressing an 8 year old as a bride. Then you do it and you see her and I you melt...she looked gorgeous.

So forget all the religious stuff, she loved doing it and she felt great and special for a day. As far as I am concerned that is a win.

Not to mention we had the in-laws over from Ireland (which was lovely) and a BBQ in our back garden for all our friends and family afterwards and cake - Win.

A fab day all round.

Nana, Heather & Grannie

For more Gallery's go here

Silent Sunday

2011-06-12T16:44:00.000+01:00

Silent Sunday

2011-06-05T17:46:00.000+01:00

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Finally getting our holiday just right

2011-06-04T17:55:00.000+01:00

Holidays, they are about balance aren't they?

Up until recently we just haven't got the balance right.

The kids want fun and excitement, my husband wants to explore and do things and I want to unwind with my family around me, having fun with a little bit of beach time, hopefully with warm weather, but to be honest as long as I am by the sea and my feet get wet I am happy. Oh and take LOADS of photo's of course.

I don't know if it is just the children are getting older and can play more independently, or whether we just have slowly worked out what we like, but I do know that this last week at a my cousins caravan in Wales has been lovely.

It started off cold, bright and really really windy.

And we ended up in glorious, warm sunshine.

This was the first time Lola (our 4 year old) had been completely in the sea, she was non to impressed with the waves splashing on her face, so this is my husband and eldest, Heather, giving the waves what for.

Even I (and this is unheard of, the last time this happened was when I was pregnant with Lola) donned my swimming costume and got wet up to my bum. It was absolutely freezing though!

My children enjoyed splashing me more than they should...

And we did things - we went into King Arthurs Labyrinth, which is a cave walk which all of us enjoyed, not for the claustrophobic though.

And at the request of the kids, as we had been there last year we went to the Butterfly House it is in the Rheidol Valley, not as big as most Butterfly attractions but run by a man who clearly loves what he does, when we went we had the place to ourselves and he was telling us where he had travelled to get the butterflies.

My two standing still desperate to get a butterfly to sit on them.

They also made candles at Corris craft centre

And sand castles

And there was even a donkey ride

We ate out and in and did everything at our own pace.

Finally a holiday where I have come home feeling relaxed and refreshed and not in any way stressed. Fab.

Silent Sunday

2011-05-29T08:53:00.000+01:00

For more this way, go here

Silent Sunday

2011-05-22T17:09:00.000+01:00

For more like this go Here

Stupid Disease (Or Ward 19)

2011-05-14T10:03:00.000+01:00

Some of the Calendar Girls who still raise money for Leukaemia Reasearch

All of you who read my blog regularly or know me, know that I have CML (Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia). I don't blog about it a lot because most of the time, I take my tablets and I am fine.

This week, well probably for the last month, I haven't been great.

I have been getting increasingly breathless. I've been using the lift at work, that no one uses. Embarrassing.

My feet and ankles are swelling up. Which is horrible as my feet are one part of my body I am still quite fond of. I currently have pig feet.

And I have had pins and needles in my fingers and achy painful wrists and arms, particularly at night. I thought this was my carpal tunnel playing up. I brought two new wrists braces (at the extortionate cost of over £35.00!!!)

And I have been feeling even more tired than usual.

I have felt about a hundred years old. Can't breath, ankles hurt (so I have a bit of a hobble) and struggling to type, write, use my smart phone. I know, for a geek like me not having the use of my hands was a killer.

It all came to head, when I went up the two flights of stairs at home on Tuesday and forgot something downstairs. By the time I got downstairs, I had completely run out of breath. Hubs caught me wheezing and having a bit of a sit down.I was told, in no uncertain terms, I had to call my out patients ward the next day.

Next day, I went to work as usual and gave them a call. I was told to come in immediately. So after, I had had a mini meeting, stopped off for a sausage and egg McMuffin (guilty pleasure), I got there a couple of hours later.

There are two bits to Ward 19. There is this long corridor with lots of rooms coming off it where you have your blood tests and see the consultants. This is where I normally go. Then there is this other big room. Where the 'proper' Chemo goes on. Although my tablets are referred to as Chemo, they aren't Chemo in the traditional sense. People lie in beds or sit in seats and have tubes and drugs attached to them and there they stay, for a really long time.

I had to go in the big room and sit in one of the chairs. I had an ECG, a blood test and a chest X-ray. I was there nearly 4 hours. I was prodded and poked by a lovely doctor, was given coffee and water and looked after beautifully.

Turns out, my tablets has a side effect (they have a few). They can give you fluid on the lungs. Which leads to the swelling in my feet and wrists (causing carpal tunnel). Fab. So I am having a tablet holiday for a week to see if I improve. Then, the clinical trail protocol is to go back on them, and it may or may not come back again. If it does, I may have to go on another clinical trial.

I am gutted, I was getting on really well. Recently, they cancelled a bone marrow biopsy as my response had been so positive. I thought I could sideline this stupid disease, but it has snuck up on me again.

But, then I think about all those people hooked up to drugs and machines in ward 19 and count my lucky stars for my quality of life and my day to day.

If you have a moment and a couple of quid, go to the leukaemia research website and give them your cash. They are doing great work and making great strides in blood cancer research. Thanks. X

Silent Sunday

2011-05-08T19:28:00.002+01:00

Silent Sunday

2011-04-24T12:51:00.000+01:00

For more like this. Go here.

The Gallery - My Blog

2011-04-19T16:43:00.000+01:00

This is the picture that makes up the background of my blog. I like that there is a little spider hiding in the petal, I like that the flower is all white except the little pink edges, I like that the sun shining through makes the petals translucent. I like that every time I look at this photo I see something new.

Why does this represent my blog (apart from the bleedin'obvious!)? Because, I use this blog to show off some of my photo's and this is a good example of a photo I am proud of. Because, I don't really have a theme when I write, sometimes I am a mummy blogger, sometimes I am a grumpy blogger, but mostly I am talking about my feelings and all the different things that go on in my head. And, on the whole I am optimistic and hopeful, and for me, this picture represents that.

For more like this pop over to StickyFingers tomorrow, I am getting this in early as I am off to the challenging internet connection back end bit of beyond in sunny Ireland, where I try and forget about technology and chill out with the in-laws and the cows. See you in just over a week.

Silent Sunday

2011-04-17T17:22:00.000+01:00

For more Silent Sunday's go Here

The Q & A Challenge

2011-04-16T15:38:00.000+01:00

My pal Tara was set a Q & A challenge by her pal Kerry Jean Lister. Now she as set me the same challenge....

The challenge was this:

She poached these Q and As from The Guardian Weekend magazine which are used to quiz a random celebrity/policitician/author/whatever.
She says the answers break you down into the ‘yeah you seem like a nice person, I’d go for a pint with youers’and the ‘Christ what a KNOB! LISTEN TO YOURSELFers!'

I'm aiming for the former . . .

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
There are loads - My Mum & Dad, for different reasons, and my husband, for putting up with me. My kids, because they amaze me daily. And all my friends for all sorts of reasons.

When were you happiest
About 6 months after the birth of my second daughter, it had been a long journey to have a second child and at 6 months she was so well and robust, I finally stopped worrying that something may go wrong and our little family was complete.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
I had just met a whole load of my new boyfriends friends at a house party, I was a little bit nervous of meeting them and may have drunk a 'couple' of cans of cider a little too quickly. I got sick, very quickly and stayed in the one toilet they had, a very long time. Finally I had to come out, but I was still unwell. and I had to go through the living room to get upstairs for a bit of a lie down. So they gave me an orange hard hat to hold like a bowl 'just in case'. Of course I threw up in front of them all, and my sick was black as I had been eating chocolate cake. Marvellous. Lesson learnt, drinking does not help in the making of a first impression.

Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
My car, I have to drive quite a way each day for work and since I had kids I like to have something reliable - so I have a fiesta, but with air conditioning, a tech pack (because I am a nerd) and all the mod cons.

What is your most treasured possession?
My wedding ring. I never thought I would get married, but now I am (It's been 10 years this year) I love it!

Where would you like to live?
Italy, when the kids have grown, I love the culture, the weather and lifestyle.

What’s your favourite smell?
My children's just washed hair.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Lori Petty or Sandra Bullock

What is your favourite book?
So many to choose from, can't do one....Oranges are not the only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson, Chocolat by Joanne Harris, Good Omens by Neil Gaimen and Terry Pratchett. Anything by Christopher Moore, A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving, and so many more.....

What is your most unappealing habit?
Picking at the hard skin on my feet. I disgust myself sometimes

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
Cruella DeVille I love the hair the out fit (as long as it wasn't real fur - obviously) and the fact you get to be a bit evil and maniacal for fun.

What is your earliest memory?
This, I think, but it may be because of the photo.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
America's Next Top Model - I tell people I watch it for the photography, which may not be entirely true.

What do you owe your parents?
Everything. If they hadn't adopted me I am pretty sure my life could have been very different.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
I am quite good at saying sorry at the time it needs to be said. If I have messed up I will be the first to admit it. There are plenty of people I should say I love you to more often though.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My husband.

What does love feel like?
Being able to say anything without having to edit first.

What was the best kiss of your life?
My husband, on my 30th Birthday. Whilst my then boyfriend was out of the room. One of the two times I have been unfaithful (never to my husband and never with more than a kiss). I literally felt electricity from my lips all the way down my spine. And that was that, 7 months later we got together.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Rubbish (I use it at work and home to avoid swearing - doesn't always work)

What is the worst job you’ve done?
Being Mr Wimpy whilst working at Wimpy the burger place....hangs head in shame.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
Nothing. Everything happens for a reason.

What is the closest you’ve come to death?
In British Columbia in Canada when I was 10. We were staying with relatives and went to look round their fields (big big fields) of corn in their pick up truck, I was in the back and everyone else was in the cabin. Then the back started to tip (they pressed a button by accident)...until I was hanging vertical, shouting for them to stop, I was terrified because they couldn't hear me. Eventually they realised the back was up and stopped. For some reason they couldn't lower it and I just had to let go. I got away with scrapes and bruises, but it really shook me up. There was also a sinking incident in a swimming race, but it wasn't as exciting.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My children.

When did you last cry, and why?
Watching the last episode of Monroe. I cry at the drop of a hat at films and even adverts. It is a rarity for me to cry in real life.

How do you relax?
Taking photo's and doing this...

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Less time working, more time with the kids. The sun on my face - every day.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
What will be will be, you can try and control it all, but really you have to go with the flow.

And so I pass this huge task on to:

Penny at The Alexander Residence
Jen at Mum in the Madhouse
English Mum
Gayle at Bumbling Along

Have fun ladies...This one is quite challenging!

Silent Sunday

2011-04-10T12:43:00.000+01:00

For more like this go here

My Mum - A brief history of time

2011-04-03T10:09:00.001+01:00

Normally on Mothering Sunday (not Mothers Day - that's what card companies call it, according to my Mum) we go to Shrewsbury and visit my Mum.

This year my Dad has a nasty cold so we are staying put, at my Mum's request, we don't want to tire him out.

So I thought I would write about her instead.

How do I describe my Mum. Hmmm. Expressions like 'they broke the mold', 'powerful woman', 'eccentric' come to mind.

My Mum is 82 in a couple of weeks. She is fit as a fiddle.

My Mum is a farmers daughter. The youngest of three girls. When she was young, she wanted to be a PE teacher, but she had problems with her knees so couldn't do it (also, around that time it was hard for people her age (she was born in 1929) to get a place at University to study. All the places went to the soldiers who had just returned from fighting in the war)

So instead she did a secretarial course and went to work in London.

She stayed their for a few years then went to work for an insurance company back in Shrewsbury where she met my Dad. When they got married she wasn't allowed to stay on working in the office (that's the 1950's for you). So she became a housewife.

Now, housewife is a relative term. Until my Mum got into her seventies she was:

A guide leader and then commissioner for the county
A Duke of Edinburgh assessor (or whatever they are called)
Leader of the Trefold Guild
In the WI, the chair and all sorts of other things
Made costumes for the Local Drama Group and for a brief period acted in things as well
A school governor for both my Infant/Primary school and my Secondary school
Kept Bees, extracted honey and exhibited or judged it at national flower/agricultural shows
Kept Chickens and Ducks and always a grumpy ginger cat
Grew vegetables year round so we only ate vegetables (and sometimes chickens) from the garden
Plus making various costumes for me and my brother for school or parties
When we started doing our exams she decided to do an Open University Degree which she completed the same year I got my degree.
Not to mention just being a Mum
Even now she is heavily involved in the local community
She has loads of friends
She has a laptop and emails them, she even emails me sometimes

This is a picture for the local paper, can't remember why, think it was to do with the bees.

Here she is getting her degree (so proud!)

On my wedding day, my Mum and my Mum-in-law (another powerful woman, she's a story for another day)

But this is how I think of her, always outside, doing or making something, infinitely practical. My friends still talk about her, the story they repeat when we are reminiscing after a few drinks is this one.

We are all about 15, we are camping in my back garden, we have arranged to meet some of our other friends (boys) and are trying to leave, we have no way of letting them know that we can't get out (there are no mobile phones). The light is on in the kitchen and my Mum is in there. 10pm comes, and goes. 11pm then midnight, she is still there. At about 1am we decide to make a dash for it, figuring that we can see her but she can't see us. Wrong. We start to make a charge through the yard (there's about 6 of us) but there she is, hanging out washing. Fail.

She terrified my friends. They all think she is great now they are parents and close to the age she was then. I always thought she was great. We don't always see eye to eye, but I couldn't wish for a better Mum or role model.

For more posts like this, visit The Gallery over at Sticky Fingers

Silent Sunday

2011-04-03T08:17:00.000+01:00

For more like this go over to Mocha Beanie Mummy

The Gallery - Hair

2011-03-30T17:46:00.000+01:00

In October 2009 I did this post - which pretty much cover's my many hair 'do's'. So instead, with his permission of course, I thought I would share a picture of my lovely husband. This is a picture of him when I first knew him.

Note: He did not enter into natural sunlight at this point due to his blueish skin... The rest of us were enjoying the sun that day.

However, this picture truly demonstrates his mane of hair. (all natural)

In fairness to him. This was me when he first met me.

The hair is just a dangley mess. (It was all natural) And yes, my jumper was inside out.

And there was of course the '80's perm which give's hubs a run for his money.

And that is definitely enough sharing of hair raising stories (groan).

The Gallery - An Education

2011-03-26T19:07:00.000Z

OK a very late entry for me with the Gallery this week (rubbish, I know), but I can't miss out on being part of the Bloggers Year Books, so here it is. My school photos (kinda).

Now, this first one is my school photo is from when I was about 10. Yes, that was a jump suit and yes, that is an Abba patch. (I was damned proud of that...). Look at those collars! It was the seventies.

Here I am about 12(ish). I have always hated this photo. Just felt like I was gurning. looking at it now, doesn't seem too bad. The collars have reduced, slightly, in size.

After this I don't seem to have anymore school photo's after this but I have this. This was my passport photo for a school trip to Italy skiing when I was about 15. I thought I was extremely cool.

And finally, this is a picture taken when I was at college. I loved/love this photo of me, which is a very rare thing. It was taken by my boyfriend at the time. He called my name and I turned around and he took the photo. It was taken with my old OM20 which was a fab camera and on black and white film. Happy memories.

Silent Sunday - Cousins

2011-03-20T12:05:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday posts go to Mocha Beanie Mummy here

Silent Sunday - First Bubbles of the Year

2011-03-13T09:17:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday Posts - Go here

Fill in the Blanks

2011-03-12T15:14:00.000Z

The lovely Chocolate is Therapy has tagged me to Fill in the Blanks, and as I haven't done a Meme for a while, I thought, why not.

So the blanks are:

I am _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The bravest thing I have ever done _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I feel prettiest when _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Something that keeps me awake at night is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The way to my heart is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

My favourite meal is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I would like to be _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Off we go then.

I am Jane, MuddyNoSugar (me on the internet), a Mummy, a Wife, a Blogger, a Blipper, I like writing poetry, my blog and taking pictures and when I have time to do it well, cooking. I also have Leukaemia. Oh and I can be pretty grumpy from time to time as well.

The bravest thing becoming a parent, totally terrifying and I definitely had no clue.

I feel prettiest when ... I am struggling with this as I have never really felt conventionally pretty. I have felt confident, sexy and attractive, but not really pretty. So I will go with when I feel confident, sexy and attractive instead. This is usually when I am all made up with make up and my tall shoes on and have lovely hubs on my arm.

What keeps me awake? I am a worrier, so I can worry about my kids, my husband, but mostly I worry about work (which is extremely sad) and lately about the Leukaemia, obviously. However, I don't stay awake long as my drugs make me tired so I tend to fall asleep and then sleep like a log.

The way to my heart is... humour, good lively conversation, someone who I can challenge and they then challenge right back, but not arguments. Anyone who makes me laugh will win me over. Ultimately if you give me Twiglets, red wine and coffee, I am pretty much yours.

My favourite meal ... Now this is a toughie, I love chicken tikka saag balti with a naan, however it is Italian food I come back to again and again, cannelloni with ricotta, pizza, pasta ...nom nom nom

I would like to be... a brilliant photographer and a great writer, above that I would like to be healthy. And if there is any room left for requests, can I be a bit slimmer too.

And there's my blanks. I am not going to pass this on to anyone specific, but if the urge takes you..away you go!

Silent Sunday - Scratching

2011-03-06T16:13:00.000Z

For more like this - go here Click on the photo to make it big.

The Gallery - Simple Pleasures

2011-03-02T16:28:00.000Z

I love my gadgets and gizmo's but there is one thing I love more.

I love the sun.

For me just sitting, reading a book in the garden with the sun out with the children laughing and playing around me, is just about as good as it gets..Maybe a glass of wine in this scenario tops it off.

This picture was taken last year at my Mum and Dad's it is my Dad's birthday when we have a BBQ with the family. I am relaxing in their orchard with enough sun and shade. The kids were playing and the sound of the pond tinker-ling and birds singing are in the background. Perfect.

Look at those feet, totally relaxed. For more pictures like these (probably not of feet) go over to StickyFingers Gallery.

PS The feet are for you Tara, as I know you love them so.

The this is Me Meme

2011-02-27T16:33:00.000Z

Some time ago, the evil Tara at Sticky Fingers tagged me with a load of others to do this AGAIN.

This being ...

'Ask your child - their age doesn't matter - to draw a picture of you.
Post it on your blog.
Let's call it the This is Me Meme
Err, that's it.
Pass it on to your friends/enemies if you want to.'

I did this previously and these were the results

Well, my daughters are now 8 and 4 so I had everything crossed for being slightly less blobby.

So here is the 8 year old's picture of me...apparently I am in my 'going out' clothes.

What I am loving the most is the straight up and down-ness of me (I am so, not this shape!)

My 4 year old is all about drawing faces at the moment. The body is an after thought.

The only thing that worries me (there is actually lot's that worries me, but let's stick to the main point) is the similarity with this picture...

Of a bear.

I am supposed to pass this on to people so who are my lucky few - Oh and when you do it, you need to McLinky it here

I think Mumra needs to have a go at this
And The Alexander Residence
And Spudballoo
And last, but not least Christine at Thinly Spread

Silent Sunday - The Empty Page

2011-02-27T15:28:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday's go here

The Gallery - Expressions

2011-02-23T22:23:00.000Z

Today for the Gallery I wanted to show you exhilaration and/or exuberance. These are things that don't come about too often but you see in children more often than you do adults. Here are two examples..

And here

But occasionally us adults get caught, especially when your eight year old has the camera...

For more like this - pop over to Sticky Fingers

Am I over-sharing?

2011-02-19T14:20:00.000Z

I feel like I have neglected my blog these last few weeks. Work has been busy, home has been busy and I spend an awful lot of time quite tired. So it gets put to one side.
But, there is something on my mind and where better to share it than here.

My question to you all out in the blogosphere is; are we over sharing on our social media sites.

Recently I have seen two friends of mine, both male, poor their hearts out on Facebook. They are sharing their feelings in a way I wouldn't be comfortable sharing mine.

Neither of these friends have spoken to me about their feelings in this way and I find it odd they can put them out there in the world like that.

Don't get me wrong,I have expressed my grumpiness freely on Facebook and Twitter, and talked about my leukaemia openly here.

My friends, however, have shared proper heart wrenching feelings, feelings of sadness, loss, depression...Has the world changed so much that rather than talking to our 'physical, in the flesh' friends we just get it all out of our system on line?

In fairness, I have talked before about how I sometimes feel closer to my on line friends (the one's I have met) than some of my oldest and dearest friends, so I do kinda get it, but it is so out there...Everyone can see.

The truth is, I see my dark inner feelings as a weakness and something I am not particularly proud off. I don't want my work colleagues, friends, family and all en sundry to be burdened with them. Those of you who know me well may get the brunt of a bad day, but on the whole not something I want shared with everyone.

One of the friends has expressed so much that I am actually thinking about hiding their comments from view as they are so so sad and it is like a bubbling brook of emotion. I can't handle it. Does that make me a bad person?

Maybe it's a British stiff upper lip thing where we repress everything. I don't know, but I am definitely struggling with the sharing

Silent Sunday - Nose to Nose

2011-02-13T16:38:00.000Z

To see more Silent Sunday Posts, go Here, There's knitting *ahem*

The Gallery - Shapes

2011-02-01T22:11:00.000Z

Oh, that Tara, she doesn't half like to set a challenge.... Shapes! what the bloomin' heck... Anyhoo, away I went, camera in hand, and this is what I came up with....

This one is elongated Hexagons with pigeon.

This one is rectangles with a little bird, (a wagtail, apparently)

This is circles with pigeon (there seems to be a feathery theme to these..I will try to move on)

Architectural Rectangles (with Heather..I know, Rubbish)

Circles at Selfridge's (I live in Brum, it has to be done)

and finally

Rotunda rectangles with man on phone.

Looking forward to all the shapes at the Gallery this week. x

Silent Sunday - Paws of a Relaxed Cat

2011-01-30T14:51:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday posts go here - And wish Jay a very Happy Birthday!!!!

The Gallery - Children

2011-01-26T06:47:00.000Z

For this week's Gallery Tara gave us Children as a topic....Incredibly tricky...what to choose?

I don't know about you but I find it incredibly difficult to get a natural picture of my children.

They both have inherited their father's ability to gurn, the minute a camera is put in front of them (which, in fairness to them, is quite often).

For the more politically correct. Here are some photo's where my children 'show their personality'.

For example...

I call that one Blue Steel (If you have seen Zoolander you will know what I mean).

And this

I have no name for the above.

It seems my parents struggled with this as well.

But then, every so often you get lucky and capture a really natural moment of pure joy.

Which is why love photography. x

The Honesty Phase

2011-01-24T10:15:00.000Z

My 4 year old is going through the honesty phase.

Within the space of one day she said the following statements too me. (Please see italics for my counter - arguments to these statements of fact)

"Sometimes you look old Mummy" Brilliant, all the creams and potions aren't working then, in my defence this was said first thing in the morning.

"Mummy that top looks like something Grannie would wear" This is a brand new top, which I brought for work and is cutting edge thank you very much!

"Mummy you sleep a lot, you should do some exercise" I haven't really got an argument for this as I do sleep a lot, and I could do some exercise. I also work a lot. And I could go to bed a bit earlier...hmmm.

She occasionally counters this with "Mummy, you are the best Mummy in the world" with a bit of an arm stroke and a half hearted cuddle.

All I can say to all this is when will it be over?

Silent Sunday - Filling the Bird Feeders

2011-01-23T18:21:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday posts go here

The Gallery - Mother Nature

2011-01-18T22:50:00.000Z

The Gallery is here again...And it is Mother Nature this week.

I could do lots of summery pictures of flowers and stuff, but instead I have taken pictures this week, wintery wonders.

Are these snowdrops

And then this is a leaf from my bay tree.

I got this as a cutting from my Mum & Dad's neighbour (and mine until I was 18). Uncle Vic and Auntie Morva lived next door all the time I was growing up.

I was visiting home and Uncle Vic brought the cutting around on boxing day. He also brought mistletoe and we had a little kiss. He was well into his eighties and died the next day.

My little bay tree lived in a pot for years and travelled to every flat or house I lived in. I have lived in my current house for 10 and a half years. My bay tree is now taller than me and firmly planted. But if I move it is coming with me.

Uncle Vic and Auntie Morva where keen gardeners. Uncle Vic is my father nature.

Silent Sunday - Man and Boy

2011-01-16T12:54:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday's go here

Body Parts

2011-01-10T19:00:00.000Z

For the Gallery this week Tara...quite bravely (and with a little bit of strong arming), gave us body parts. This was on the promise that I wouldn't do feet, as Ms Cain has a slight aversion to them. I, on the other hand, like feet, so I lied. Sorry.

These are some of mine, my children's and my husbands feet and other parts. Enjoy and visit the Gallery to see what else we have this week..must admit I am quite excited. Is that sad?

This collage created with Smilebox

Make a free collage

Silent Sunday - What does she see?

2011-01-09T16:43:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday's go here

Butt....Ocks.

2011-01-06T08:31:00.000Z

In light of the many discussions lately on Twitter about bottoms (you know who you are.... @cosmicgirlie).

I thought I would share a brief conversation my family and I had recently:

8 year old: Have you heard of the word butt.....ocks?

Me: yes, its your bottom.

Hubs: (sound of metaphorical glasses being pushed up nose) Actually it is the muscles in your bottom, or your gluttimus maximus.

Me: Or your bottom cheeks or your butt. Like on your channels. (I am referring to such classics as Phineas and Ferb who regularly refer to their butts)

8 year old: (who lost interest in the answer to her question almost immediately) oh, ok then.

Ever thought you may have over explained something?

Silent Sunday - A Meeting of Minds

2011-01-02T16:42:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday's go Here

My 2010 in Pictures

2010-12-29T18:47:00.000Z

My year..... (to see more like this and the chance to win a CyberMummy 2011 ticket visit Mummytips and add your Year in Pictures)

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

What a difference a Year makes

2010-12-29T16:24:00.000Z

Last year, about this time, I was full of good intentions.

Two cups of coffee a day, weight loss, exercise, write a novel and some other stuff. Now traditionally I review my good intentions and go GAH! #Fail and generally get down on myself about how little I have achieved.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't achieved much of any of that.

I spent the first half of the year feeling really tired and quite low. I made efforts to sort out my mental health but the tiredness was still there. I put it down to working full time, being a Mum of a 4 year old and 8 year old and my lack of exercise.

Then in August I went for a Health Check-up paid for by work. There were no massive surprises, I wasn't surprised to hear I was overweight but I was pleased that my heart, my cholesterol and my posture were all OK.

There was just anomalies with my blood. They tested it twice. My white blood count was way too high. I think, I realised it was serious when the Doctor at the clinic phoned my GP to make an appointment for me.

Then everything moved really quickly. My GP had my blood re-tested and told me we were in a 'free fall situation' he was the first one to mention the possibility of cancer he sent me to the Haematology Day Ward. He didn't tell me it was the Haematology & Oncology Ward.

Long story short and after a bone marrow biopsy I was diagnosed with Chronic Myloid Leukaemia

This kind of thing changes your perspective on things.

I don't have new year resolutions this year. I have new life resolutions.

5 years ago, in this country, I would have been having traditional chemo-therapy. My quality of life would have been poor and my prognosis would not have been good.

I am on a clinical trial drug, the side effects are minimal (like the disease, they make me tired, and I get headaches) and my prognosis is excellent. I am extremely lucky. Blood Cancer medication has come on leaps and bounds in the last few years.

I can't deny that it has messed with my head. I struggle with it at times, with the unfairness of it (even though I have no illness that I can see or touch) but I am also aware that there is no reason for me not to see my children grow up, hopefully, they will never see me go into the accelerated or blast stages of the illness where hope is limited.

So what are my new life resolutions?

Stay alive
Stay healthy
Exercise
Be happy

If I can get those 4 sorted, surely everything else will just follow naturally...And I will always have this...

Silent Sunday - The post Christmas lull.

2010-12-26T16:49:00.000Z

To see more silent Sundays go here

Colds, Coughs, Snow, Nits and Christmas

2010-12-20T18:02:00.000Z

I love Christmas.

Every year my husband has to stem my Christmas spirit to grotto our house and keep the decorations in moderation.

The lead up to this Christmas has not exactly been as smooth as I would like. There was the family weekend of snot in late November which was pretty disgusting. All the family full of an extremely snotty cold. Ugh.

Then the first spell of really frosty weather, we didn't have much snow, but boy it was cold. Everything looked beautiful though.

Sniffles continued into December but no one was properly sick. Then the dreaded nits came (I blame a soft play place we went to) We are still doing the repeat treatments. I haven't had them but I can't help but feel itchy...double ugh!

And now, just when we all really want to be festive and see friends and family, my eldest has a cold and chest infection that has properly floored her. I have never known her to stay in bed all day before this. I have had to cancel two visits already with people we really really wanted to see before Christmas. (There was a brief concern that it may be swine flu. Fortunately, after a visit to the doctor today we have found that it is not).

And now there is proper snow.

Still, the Christmas Lego collection is coming along nicely ...

And we are fortunate enough to have presents under our tree.

So with antibiotics and plenty of Christmas fayre, all will be well...and just in case I don't blog between now and Christmas, Merry Christmas everyone xxx

The Gallery - Love

2010-12-20T14:25:00.000Z

When I got married I was fit to bursting with love - I genuinely thought that we could not be more in love.

But then nearly ten years on, our love has matured, and as life throws big splats and happy puddles at us it grows and we continue to be very much still in love.

None the less, I was not prepared for the love I feel for my children, strange, unconditional, totally overwhelming. My heart skips a beat for them regularly.

Here are two of my favourite pictures - the first one with my husband and my eldest daughter in Ireland on Christmas Day. The snow was unexpected so my husband had to borrow a hat from his Dad. It snowed all morning and was a completely magical Christmas. She is two in this picture.

And this is me with my baby girl when she was about one.

And finally because it's Christmas here is a couple of my favourite Christmas pictures of my girls.

Love certainly makes the world go round. If you want to see more posts like this go and see more at Tara's Gallery and share the Love

Silent Sunday - Pawprint

2010-12-19T09:33:00.000Z

To see more Silent Sunday's click here

The Gallery - Sparkle

2010-12-15T08:01:00.000Z

This photo is from 4 years ago, Lola was 3 months old so Heather was 'helping' me decorate the Christmas tree.

Somehow, she ended up like this.....

I hope this is sparkly enough for Ms Cain over at the Gallery

Silent Sunday - Books

2010-12-12T08:18:00.000Z

To see more Silent Sunday's go here....

Silent Sunday - Still Frosty

2010-12-05T08:28:00.000Z

See more Silent Sunday's Here

What makes my blood boil.

2010-11-28T19:10:00.000Z

Now, all of you who know me, know that I can, at time's, be grumpy. Particularly first thing in the morning.

There are, however, very few things that really make my blood boil.

On Armistice Day during the two minutes silence there was a disturbance by some protesters who burnt a giant poppy.

I absolutely disagree with what they did, wholeheartedly.

What made my blood boil was our reaction to this.

On one social networking site there is a group called - Muslims who burn poppies on armistice day should leave our country.

The comments within this group are both, racist and offensive.

A small minority of extremists have behaved in a way that was not acceptable, but it seems our reaction is a mass reaction, to fight hate with hate?

Does no one find it ironic that we (our nation) fought and our soldiers fought, for freedom, against racism, against oppression, against hatred, and yet our first reaction is to oppress.

I am extremely proud to be British, I am proud that I live in a country where most people try to treat everybody equally.

I am proud that we are a melting pot of languages, cultures, ethnicity and religion.

I am proud that we can all practise the religion we choose too, or not,if we don't want to, without fear that we will be 'disappeared' or victims of hate crimes.

I am proud that I can write this without fear.

I am not proud of our mass mentality, our belief in the red top newspaper, our fear of the individual and our ignorance and unwillingness, at times, to accept change.

People of Britain need to remember that the majority of our forefathers and mothers came from somewhere else originally.

Britain has been invaded by the Romans, the Vikings, the French, the Germans and when we went on the Crusades our soldiers brought people back from all over the world. This continued with Sir Francis Drake, Christopher Columbus and many many more. We are a tiny island.

Anyone who thinks that they are 100% white and Christian are fooling themselves.

I dislike the ghetto-ism of our cities where similar cultures congregate and other cultures and influences are pushed out.

The only way things will improve and change is if we accept that people are different, our cultures are different, we are different colours and we have different personalities (some of us can be quite grumpy). We have to accept the difference's through knowledge and openness.

I think sometimes people think because they are 'just' average they can't change anything. Of course we can, we bring our children up without hatred, with open minds and a curiosity for differences and change and we will all be OK.

Seriously, it is as simple as that.

So what makes my blood boil. Ignorance, hatred, oppression, inequality, injustice and racism. (There is probably more, but that will do for now).

Silent Sunday - Peace

2010-11-28T14:13:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday's go to here

Silent Sunday - Nana and Heather

2010-11-21T19:27:00.000Z

For more Silent Sunday's go here at Mocha Beanie Mummy

Eight and Still Growing

2010-11-19T13:07:00.000Z

My eldest daughter was 8 yesterday.

How did that happen?

One minute she is like this:

And now she is like this:

I mean, seriously, where did the time go. How did she turn into this confident, bubbly, bright and beautiful person (I was going to say small person then righted myself, she is 4ft 4in - I am 5ft 2in she will be taller than me in no time).

She has her own social circle and has had the same group of friends since starting school, and remains friends with her friend from nursery.

She does well at school and is bursting with energy, so full of life. I am immensely proud of her and wish for her only good things.

When people say to you, don't wish the time away, they are SO right.

The Gallery - Before and After

2010-11-17T11:52:00.000Z

For the Gallery this week Tara has asked us for before or after. This is what I have come up with.

When Heather was a baby, we took this picture - I loved this picture, she was smiling and the sun was coming through the window. The Zebra romper suit was just a bonus.

So four years later I recreated the picture with Lola.

I see in these pictures their similarities and their differences and as time goes by and as Lola, gets to the same points in her life as Heather I see this continue.

And the frightening thing is, I see a little bit of me in both of them.

The most important thing is they are unique, special individuals who will always have each other for love and support.

Autumn - The Gallery

2010-11-08T21:14:00.000Z

I love Autumn, I think it is my favourite season, so when Tara at Stickyfingers said this weeks Gallery was about seasons - I was made up.

Originally, when I was young it was because my birthday was in October and the new school started in September. This was reason enough to love the season. Nothing to do with the colours and the beauty of this time of year.

Now for me, Autumn stills starts at the beginning of the school year, I send my eldest off in her new uniform all smart and shiny and bright.

Then it is my youngest's birthday, so still about the birthdays.

Then mine, I have no photo recording this so instead I will put one of the pictures that symbolise autumn for me.

Nice weather for ducks!

Then, of course comes pumpkins and Halloween

and conker hunts.

At this time of year my road looks gorgeous.

And for me Autumn finishes on Bonfire Night...

Now roll on the cold winter, where it's all about Christmas and being cosy. (Love that too...)

What do you do when you are off work poorly?

2010-11-05T11:22:00.000Z

I have been off work poorly these last two weeks, now before you all panic (because you are lovely and care about me) it is nothing Leukaemia based. The reason I have been off is more to do with an emibarrassing bodies type thing, which is all I am going to say. (Mortified!).

Anyhow I have been fully reacquainting myself with This Morning, Loose Women and 60 Minute Makeover, and I can literally feel any intelligence I may have had slowly seeping away into the abyss of daytime telly.

Realising this I have been wondering around Sky looking for things to watch.
Now, I love a movie, so my first port of call is always the movie channels or Sky Anytime. As a result, this week I have watched Backdraft and A League of their Own again.

Can you believe Backdraft was made in 1991, I know, shocker. And the thing that caught me out was William Baldwin, well, wasn't he a hotty in 1991, not the same man we recently saw in Dirty Sexy Money at all! I still found Jennifer Jason Leigh highly annoying with her bleached blonde perm and bad acting. Overall though, its a fab film. I had completely forgot the story and it was brilliant to re-watch it fresh. The only thing that really aged it was Jennifer JL's hideous perm.

As for A League of their Own made in 1992, there is the amazing Gina Davis who most of you will remember from Thelma & Louise, The Accidental Tourist, but who I loved in The Long Kiss Goodnight which is an awesome film. Anyhow, in this baseball for women during the 2nd World War film, Madonna is there, Rosie O'Connell and Tom Hanks and the awesome Lori -I played Tank Girl in the movie of the same name - Petty.

- Gratuitous picture of Tank Girl -

Now when this film came out it was panned by the critics, but I have watched this over and over and love it. It's schmultzy and kitsch and all of those things. Brilliant.

What worries me though, is that both these films were made in the early 90's and yet to me they seem quite recent. Time is clearly speeding up for me. Having said that I also watched White Christmas (1954) with Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Vera Ellen and Rosemary Clooney (yep, George's Mum) and I wasn't even born when that was made, so it has all kinda balanced itself out.

So what do you do when you are off work poorly?

The Gallery - Show me the Funny

2010-11-01T21:14:00.000Z

I was thinking about doing a Halloween blog to show off all the fab photo's of the kids my husband and I took of the kids (I can't take full credit this week as husband has been doing quite a lot of the photography as I have been a bit poorly...ahhhh..full sympathy please), but then I remembered the theme for this weeks Gallery - marvellous.

So here we go. My Children went to the pumpkin farm this (see below) was here. Now, I find this funny, and I am gutted I missed it.

They also went to Kenilworth Castle. What concerns me is what my daughter is doing to the boy next to her. OMG she is 7 where did she learn that - put that boy down!!!!!

Back at the pumpkin farm...Mr Pumpkin Head

And finally, here is my little witch enjoying her potions a little too much....

Hope we have made you giggle.

I Love You Blogsville

2010-10-26T20:15:00.000+01:00

I have been off from work today as I am a bit poorly, so I have sat and watched whilst Twitter and Blogsville imploded and then re-established itself and got back to being the thing I always knew it was.

There have been insinuations, nastiness, bitchiness, then lots and lots of love. (If you read this, please tweet #LindaSJones)

But then I read this reflection and it reminded me how blogging takes you places, you meet people. Good people. I have made friends both virtually and then in reality who are lovely lovely people.

Then I thought of all the other reasons I love blogging, twitter..all of it. Here are some of them:

I like that I come in contact with people who 'get' me
They understand nay relish theirs and others nerdiness/geekiness
I have had conversations on Twitter about Excel..I know it's sad, but can't help loving it.
I love the that I can talk to people about technology without feeling like a freak.
But at the same time I can talk to the same people about my love of stationary, filofaxes and the like and find they love them too.
I love that I can say 'time space continuum', and someone out there will know what I am going on about (quite a lot of you, actually)
Same goes for 'folding time', LARP, and many other weird and wonderful things.
I love the late night couple of glasses of wine humour on Twitter, the gentle camaraderie and friendliness
Similarly watching the mild flirting and fun & games.
I was catching up on my tweets this morning and #pornsongs was hilarious last night. Gutted I went to bed and missed it.
I love that I read two reviews for kids toys today and they looked so good and because the review's were so honest - (check out Mummytips) - that I ended up buying both things. The geekiness is also there - this is her most recent post - only in Blogsville!
I love that Twiglets can become a debate and we can all be totally silly, and a little bit strange.
All of this internet, social media world inspires me, it got me writing when I had stopped for nearly twenty years.
You have supported me when I found out I was ill. Brilliantly.
You have supported, advised and generally been a shoulder when I, or my children have behaved shockingly. You have never judged me.
You have given me a firm talking to when I needed it.
I respect the internet.
I understand the power of words.

Thank you, all of you, for this, lets not forget why we all started.

The Gallery - Red

2010-10-20T19:35:00.000+01:00

Today is my birthday, my wedding anniversary (9 years) and the day that my blood has returned to normal.
I am normal..OK, OK the drugs aren't that good!

Today is a good day.

I have spent the day with my lovely husband, opened presents from gorgeous friends and family, mooched around the shops, and eaten yummy food.

Then I went to my clinic at Heartlands in Birmingham where they check my blood. They take a couple of vials for testing my white blood cell count. Then they take a few more vials either because I am on a clinical trial or for the research they are doing on Dasatinib (my trial drug) at the local university as they think it may help improve general immunity. I do this because if some one hadn't done this before me my prognosis would have been very grim.

Today was the 2nd reason and there it is - all red and NORMAL (yay) for the Gallery this week.

And moving on...

2010-10-18T21:11:00.000+01:00

OK I have had enough of moaning and groaning and bleeting and generally being a winger - enough is enough. It is time to be constructive and I need your help.

I would like ideas...

My team (I manage a Contact Centre with about 50 people) need a boost, we are really busy at the moment and they need cheering up. What lifts my teams spirits is doing stuff for charity, and they are really good at it.

We have done all sorts, including: pyjama days, leg waxing for boys, Movember, themed food days, themed clothes days, Guess whose the baby...etc

So I need an inspired suggestion - what can we do - whilst taking calls and sending emails..(I know, I am a horrible boss lady).

If I use your suggestion I will donate a third of the money raised to a charity of your choice. The other two charities I intend to donate to are Breast Cancer Care and Leukaemia Research (in light of my current predicament).

Really looking forward to your idea's!

Desert Island Discs

2010-10-11T21:43:00.000+01:00

I love a challenge me...whittling down my music to my eight most favouritest ever.... This challenge was set by Him Up North who, to be frank, has some pretty impressive musical choices as his top eight. No pressure then. (Not that it's a competition for the best music or anything..God forbid).

Down to business then:

Eloise - The Damned (closely followed by Grimly Fiendish). This reminds me of a time when I was developing my own musical identity..admittedly I was a fairly gloomy teenage girl so it suited me down to the ground. My first born child was nearly called Eloise as tribute.

I then went into a bit of a musical black hole but then some time in the late eighties I discovered Nina Simone. Feeling Good is my all time number one song, The best of Nina Simone includes other classics like Mood Indigo and Strange Fruit...awesome singer with proper soul.

Like I said, I Feeling Good is my all time number one song and the Muse version rocks it out.

In the nineties I discovered dance music. Josh Wink's Higher State of Conciousness takes you to all the right places and then some, he builds to a mental head rush of a crescendo. TUUUUUNNNNNNNE...

The Fat of the Land by Prodigy was a dance album that made the music industry realise that dance music was a force to be reckoned with. Amazing album. Smack your Bitch up is my tune of choice, love the video, I know it's not 'PC' but fuck it.

Pablo Honey by Radio Head - particularly Creep, is a choice to sing loud and long in the car and helps to get rid of the grumps. Creep gives you an indication of what is to come with the Bends

Any Garbage album is worth a listen but my all time favourite Garbage song has to be Cherry Lips, just brilliant, it tells a story and again you can rock out in the car.

And finally something from now, La Roux's album is great - I loved, In for the Kill, Fasination and Bullet Proof, it's an album I can listen to from start to finish which is a rare thing, there are no duds - leading the way with the likes of Ellie Goulding and Little Boots on her tail... They are the ones to watch.

I can't believe that is it, I didn't get to mention: Seal, Dizzee Rascal, Florence and her Machine, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, The Rolling Stones, Sammy Davis Jr, The Soundtracks from LOADS of films (maybe that's the next Meme should be your best eight soundtracks).

Any how, I'll stop but I could go on and on and on and on.....

Still Harping on Daughters

2010-10-06T19:23:00.000+01:00

For the Gallery this week it is all about the women in our lives. My Mum is an institution, (she is an inspiration as well) I could write and write about how proud she makes me and how much she does for other people. My friends are old and new are great but the girls I love the most are my girls.

I always knew I would have girls. I wasn't someone who was super maternal but I just had no concept of boys. I do have a brother but it never occurred to me I would have girls.

I agreed with my husband with our first child that if it was a boy he would choose the name, and if it was a girl I would choose. In the end we both decided on the name together (but I knew I was on safe ground).

I 'get', my girls, I know what they are doing when they are not listening, I used to do it, day dreaming my time away. Thinking of stories.

I see them be indecisive about clothes but fiercely independent if I intervene.

I see my husbands frustration when they can't decide what to wear, or when we go shopping and they want to look at everything.

They are my little women.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing them just talking to each other and not falling out over stuff.

There is four years between them and I worried that they wouldn't be close, but they are.

They are similar and very different, they make me laugh when my humour has gone.

I don't know what will happen when they are teenagers, when they become woman, but I hope they are as sweet natured, optimistic and loving as they are now, and that the big bad world does not take this away.

What if...

2010-10-03T18:26:00.000+01:00

Mostly, although I say I am a grumpy old woman, I have a sense of humour about things and I am generally optimistic. Give me a half a glass of water and I will say it's half full.

But last night I completely lost my sense of humour. Yes, some drink had been had, but no excuse.

I used more 'f**k's' in a sentence than I have in a long time.

I have had a pretty grim week at work....

I had a bout of IBS on Friday night and ended up in bed by 9.30pm.

I have the lie in on Saturdays but woke up exhausted and couldn't shake the tiredness all day. I did nothing with the kids and was irritable with them.

I had also woken up covered from the neck down in a rash, and after speaking to the hospital I have to stop taking the tablets for the gout that the other tablets may cause. And I had my period.

I second guess every feeling, every ache, is it my disease, is it a side effect from the tablets?

On Saturday some friends came over and I thought I was coming out of this grump. I cooked a meal for them, drank some wine and we started playing a game that normally has us all falling about laughing. And I was.

But then something was said and I flipped, I was so angry and pissed off.

I went to bed, I was in bed by 10.45pm and very upset.

I am angry that I am ill that doctors refer to 'my disease', I am angry that I have no energy, I am angry that I have to continue as if I haven't had totally earth shattering news, and when I am not angry I slip into the world of what if's....what if I don't see my girls grow up, what if I am not there for all their firsts..first boyfriend, first kiss, first day in a job, at college? My head could explode with the what if's....what if my husband can't cope? What if after working for all these years I don't get to retire and do all the things we wanted.

What if I have wasted time, missed opportunities, not done all the things I intended.

Shit.

So I want to say I am sorry. Sorry to anyone who may be on the receiving end of my anger it wasn't meant for you. I am just a little bit out of sorts, and I am sure if there was a counsellor out there they would tell me it is normal to go through this and then I will move to acceptance. (I am even angry about that...)

I am sorry for this self pitying dialogue - this is not my normal style - I just needed to get things off my chest. I feel a bit better now.

Thanks XXX

The Gallery - The Twiglet Manifesto

2010-09-28T20:26:00.000+01:00

It is week 29 of the Gallery, and Tara has set us some tricky challenges over those 29 weeks. This week was easy for me. When I gave up smoking (5 years and 21 days ago - not that I am counting) I developed a new habit/love.

Twiglets.

I have a bag a night. Sometimes two. They are yummy and only 90 calories per little bag.

Now I realise this is controversial, and they are basically the biscuity Marmite equivalent (like that too). So I expect strong reactions.

However, I have made this special message just for Tara. She threatened me with a ban from the Gallery if I did Twiglets (it's almost like she doesn't recognise them as food????) - which under equality and diversity laws (and I have an NVQ 2 in this) I find Twigletist. And no one likes a Twigletist.

So I think Tara needs to think about what she has said and feel the love for the poor, Twiglet. It is a food and should have it's rightful place in the food chain. Up the Twiglet revolution my brothers and sisters! Join me and you too could have a bag (maybe two) of Twiglets a night

Gif animator online

Oh and when I finished all this I had this.

A lovely cup of coffee.

A Rant and a Realisation

2010-09-26T14:20:00.000+01:00

Yep, it's happened again. I am too cross to keep it in and I need a rant.

I am sick of the people's head going to one side
Their eye's getting wider
And saying...'How are you?' The emphasis being on the word 'are' and the R in are).

Now I realise that they are just being nice - but I have seen it too many times this last couple of weeks. I am not telling you I am sick because I want your pity or your sympathy. I am telling you because you are close to me and it is now a part of me. Or, you need to know for Health and Safety reasons (work).

Last night I told two old friends and watched them simultaneously burst into tears. Dear Lord. I then spent the rest of the evening trying to cheer them up and doing all my best cancer jokes, one of them was physically wincing at this. I know it's a lot to take in, but I have every intention of out living them all (cue evil genius laughter...Mwahahahahaha). I am, after all, having my blood cells mutated so potentially could be turning into spiderman.

So to all of you who read this, I really appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers (keep them coming..I need all the help I can get), but don't treat me differently. I am still me. I am not dead yet. And I really have appreciated all your lovely comments on my blog.

OK that was number one. I know, you thought that was it didn't you...Oh no not at all.

Why oh why oh why do people of my age (40 ish....) seem to fall into two categories. Those who love technology and those who hate it. I am a lover - obviously, but same two friends - who won't be reading this as they are haters (as they say in those rap songs*) are not..

Now it's not that they don't like it - it is that they are so black and white about it. There is no grey. None.

Basically the internet and any form of social media is the devil's work. They should burn me for a witch for knowing how to use it.

In fairness, one of them has a daughter who had a dreadful internet bullying situation and this has effected her view, but she has just shut down to it all. She doesn't want to know about anything social media, or how it works. I tried talking to her about parental controls and nanny software, but she wanted no part of it.

It felt like ignorance....

And whilst I have been typing this I have realised why I am so grumpy. I talked to my friends last night about my Leukaemia, but I also talked about my treatment and the really positive results it was having. All they heard was Leukaemia. Then we talked about social media - which I love and they stopped listening to me then too.

I feel like two of oldest friends don't trust me or listen to me. Have we changed so much that we no longer have anything in common, and see each other so infrequently that we don't actually know each other at all.

This makes me sadder than my disease.

*Said in posh radio 4 type voice

Smiles - The Gallery

2010-09-20T22:45:00.000+01:00

How my children are first thing in the morning can affect my whole day.

Mostly, my girls are well behaved, happy, uncomplicated wonderful, magical things, that I am eternally grateful for.

Occasionally, they give me a headaches and make me reminisce on childless times.

Between them, my gorgeous husband, and the rest of my family I spend a lot of time smiling and laughing - this is why.

So here is my Gallery for this week.

I have put this last one in because there he is being daft (and a little bit sinister!) Love him. And them. xxx

Blood

2010-09-19T18:20:00.001+01:00

I haven't blogged for a while - time for a bit of an explanation.

I have umm'ed and ahh'ed about whether to use Blognonymous for this post, but I have decided that as I blog about my life, my kids, I would blog about this as this is now a part of my life...well..forever.

I went for a routine blood test as part of a free health assessment thing that work provide. My blood, specifically my white blood cells are not right. There are too many of them.

Now an interlude...The NHS are AMAZING. When it is something serious, they work so quickly and efficiently. So impressed. A massive shout out to the doctors and nurses of ward 19 at Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham

So, for the last couple of weeks I have had lots of tests, including, a bone marrow biopsy (that was Not Funny).

Turns out I have Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia (CML) - which sounds bad, well yes, it is bad. But if you are going to have a Leukaemia this is the one to have.

I should be able to manage it with tablets and although it is unlikely I will ever be cured my prognosis is good.

Isn't it strange how much information you can absorb when you need to. I suddenly have an understanding of chromosomes, marrow and stem cells, that I never had before. I still can't pronounce the medicine they plan to put me on, but hey ho.

The good news is that I can't give this to my kids, it's not genetic, it's just one of those things? (does that mean I could have kept smoking?)

So, I have spent a lot of time here - and I will encourage you to give - I am going on a clinical trial which will hopefully help future patients, and purely from a selfish perspective may help me!

So all this puts things in perspective, and I was feeling all glum and self pitying, and then I hear about a couple who lost their seven month old baby last week, after only having her diagnosed with a growth earlier in the week. At least I have had 42 years. My thoughts are with her family.

As they say, there is always someone worse off than you.

Wordless Wednesday - Love is...

2010-09-07T21:54:00.000+01:00

Normally this time of the week I am doing something for the Gallery. But this week, I didn't really have a photo that did the theme justice, so for the first time in twenty five weeks, I am doing a wordless Wednesday instead.

My brother and his son's have an amazing relationship.
His eldest son is fifteen and by all accounts, he should be out and not spending time with us his boring old family.

Last Sunday my brother and the rest of my immediate family went here - The Inn at Grinshill which is lovely and in the middle of the back end of beyond in gorgeous Shropshire where I grew up.

And we had a lovely day and my fifteen year old nephew had a game of chess with my 7 year old daughter (his cousin) and let her win and didn't make a fuss that we all helped her and he was left to just get on with it.

I took this photo (on manual - otherwise Cosmicgirlie would be v.cross) and it just personifies a relationship I can only wish for with my daughters. I am very proud of my brother and both his sons and love them very much. But shhh...don't tell him. And don't tell him about this as he hate's photos of himself..don't know why?