It's official, I am the clumsiest person I know.
I fell down the stairs last week.
On the same day.
Then on Thursday, I fell off a chair on the patio and landed on my hip. I have never had a bruise quite like it.
I have always been clumsy. If there is a table to walk into I am your man - so to speak
If there is a step to trip up I am tripping up it.
If there is food or drink to spill all over myself it is all over me.
On my first proper outing to a pub in Birmingham with my then boyfriend, I walked straight into a glass door and nearly knocked myself out. He walked away and left me - he was a charmer.
When I was little my Mum used to always have a spare set of clothes for me. Partially, because she was a girl guide and always prepared and partially, because I feel in puddles, ponds and pools ....a lot.
There is a famous family story of when we were on holiday somewhere and I fell in with the guinea pigs at the petting zoo. This is told with much hilarity, I am not sure I get it. Is it the guinea pigs or me??
I think my eldest child may have got the clumsy gene. She has had her arm in plaster twice and if there is something to knock over she will knock it.
This morning she was playing with the gas fire (I realise how bad that sounds, but firstly, it wasn't on and secondly, she got in lots of trouble for pulling the fire apart 'the minute my back was turned') but her curiosity got the better of her and the front bit landed on her toe when I came in shouting (please see above).
Which is exactly the type of thing that would happen to me.
So how can I help my daughter get over her clumsiness and become all elegant and serene - like those really grown up beautiful ladies?
Do I really want her to?
Probably not, I would obviously prefer she didn't hurt herself (I'd prefer I didn't hurt myself either), but who wants to be all serene and grown up ...really.
My husband is a clumsy kindred spirit (OK, my children were doomed from the outset), and it is one of the things we have in common and one of the things I love about him. So rock on the clumsy, clumsy is the new cool. We are kooky and different and quirky and when we are old we can be really really eccentric and strange (that last bit, might just be me).
Lets just not all get in a room together, it could be dangerous.
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