Tuesday, 26 October 2010

I Love You Blogsville

I have been off from work today as I am a bit poorly, so I have sat and watched whilst Twitter and Blogsville imploded and then re-established itself and got back to being the thing I always knew it was. 

There have been insinuations, nastiness, bitchiness, then lots and lots of love. (If you read this, please tweet #LindaSJones)

But then I read this reflection and it reminded me how blogging takes you places, you meet people. Good people. I have made friends both virtually and then in reality who are lovely lovely people. 

Then I thought of all the other reasons I love blogging, twitter..all of it. Here are some of them:

I like that I come in contact with people who 'get' me
They understand nay relish theirs and others nerdiness/geekiness
I have had conversations on Twitter about Excel..I know it's sad, but can't help loving it.
I love the that I can talk to people about technology without feeling like a freak.
But at the same time I can talk to the same people about my love of stationary, filofaxes and the like and find they love them too.
I love that I can say 'time space continuum', and someone out there will know what I am going on about (quite a lot of you, actually)
Same goes for 'folding time', LARP, and many other weird and wonderful things.
I love the late night couple of glasses of wine humour on Twitter, the gentle camaraderie and friendliness
Similarly watching the mild flirting and fun & games.
I was catching up on my tweets this morning and #pornsongs was hilarious last night. Gutted I went to bed and missed it.
I love that I read two reviews for kids toys today and they looked so good and because the review's were so honest - (check out Mummytips) - that I ended up buying both things. The geekiness is also there - this is her most recent post - only in Blogsville!
I love that Twiglets can become a debate and we can all be totally silly, and a little bit strange.
All of this internet, social media world inspires me, it got me writing when I had stopped for nearly twenty years. 
You have supported me when I found out I was ill. Brilliantly.
You have supported, advised and generally been a shoulder when I, or my children have behaved shockingly. You have never judged me.
You have given me a firm talking to when I needed it.
I respect the internet.
I understand the power of words.

Thank you, all of you, for this, lets not forget why we all started.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

The Gallery - Red

Today is my birthday, my wedding anniversary (9 years) and the day that my blood has returned to normal.
I am normal..OK, OK the drugs aren't that good!

Today is a good day.

I have spent the day with my lovely husband, opened presents from gorgeous friends and family, mooched around the shops,  and eaten yummy food.

Then I went to my clinic at Heartlands in Birmingham where they check my blood. They take a couple of vials for testing my white blood cell count. Then they take a few more vials either because I am on a clinical trial or for the research they are doing on Dasatinib (my trial drug) at the local university as they think it may help improve general immunity. I do this because if some one hadn't done this before me my prognosis would have been very grim.

Today was the 2nd reason and there it is - all red and NORMAL (yay) for the Gallery this week.

Monday, 18 October 2010

And moving on...

OK I have had enough of moaning and groaning and bleeting and generally being a winger - enough is enough. It is time to be constructive and I need your help.

I would like ideas...

My team (I manage a Contact Centre with about 50 people) need a boost, we are really busy at the moment and they need cheering up. What lifts my teams spirits is doing stuff for charity, and they are really good at it.

We have done all sorts, including: pyjama days, leg waxing for boys, Movember, themed food days, themed clothes days, Guess whose the baby...etc

So I need an inspired suggestion - what can we do - whilst taking calls and sending emails..(I know, I am a horrible boss lady).

If I use your suggestion I will donate a third of the money raised to a charity of your choice. The other two charities I intend to donate to are Breast Cancer Care and Leukaemia Research (in light of my current predicament).

Really looking forward to your idea's!

Monday, 11 October 2010

Desert Island Discs

I love a challenge me...whittling down my music to my eight most favouritest ever.... This challenge was set by Him Up North who, to be frank, has some pretty impressive musical choices as his top eight. No pressure then. (Not that it's a competition for the best music or anything..God forbid).

Down to business then:

Eloise - The Damned (closely followed by Grimly Fiendish). This reminds me of a time when I was developing my own musical identity..admittedly I was a fairly gloomy teenage girl so it suited me down to the ground. My first born child was nearly called Eloise as tribute. 

I then went into a bit of a musical black hole but then some time in the late eighties I discovered Nina Simone. Feeling Good is my all time number one song, The best of Nina Simone includes other classics like Mood Indigo and Strange Fruit...awesome singer with proper soul.

Like I said, I Feeling Good is my all time number one song and the Muse version rocks it out.

In the nineties I discovered dance music. Josh Wink's Higher State of Conciousness takes you to all the right places and then some, he builds to a mental head rush of a crescendo. TUUUUUNNNNNNNE...

The Fat of the Land by Prodigy was a dance album that made the music industry realise that dance music was a force to be reckoned with. Amazing album. Smack your Bitch up is my tune of choice, love the video, I know it's not 'PC' but fuck it. 

Pablo Honey by Radio Head - particularly Creep, is a choice to sing loud and long in the car and helps to get rid of the grumps. Creep gives you an indication of what is to come with the Bends

Any Garbage album is worth a listen but my all time favourite Garbage song has to be Cherry Lips, just brilliant, it tells a story and again you can rock out in the car.

And finally something from now, La Roux's album is great - I loved, In for the Kill, Fasination and Bullet Proof, it's an album I can listen to from start to finish which is a rare thing, there are no duds - leading the way with the likes of Ellie Goulding and Little Boots on her tail... They are the ones to watch. 

I can't believe that is it, I didn't get to mention:  Seal, Dizzee Rascal, Florence and her Machine, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, The Rolling Stones, Sammy Davis Jr, The Soundtracks from LOADS of films (maybe that's the next Meme should be your best eight soundtracks).

Any how, I'll stop but I could go on and on and on and on.....

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Still Harping on Daughters

For the Gallery this week it is all about the women in our lives. My Mum is an institution, (she is an inspiration as well) I could write and write about how proud she makes me and how much she does for other people. My friends are old and new are great but the girls I love the most are my girls.

I always knew I would have girls. I wasn't someone who was super maternal but I just had no concept of boys. I do have a brother but it never occurred to me I would have girls.

I agreed with my husband with our first child that if it was a boy he would choose the name, and if it was a girl I would choose. In the end we both decided on the name together (but I knew I was on safe ground).

I 'get', my girls, I know what they are doing when they are not listening, I used to do it, day dreaming my time away. Thinking of stories.

I see them be indecisive about clothes but fiercely independent if I intervene.

I see my husbands frustration when they can't decide what to wear, or when we go shopping and they want to look at everything.

They are my little women.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing them just talking to each other and not falling out over stuff.

There is four years between them and I worried that they wouldn't be close, but they are.

They are similar and very different, they make me laugh when my humour has gone.

I don't know what will happen when they are teenagers, when they become woman, but I hope they are as sweet natured, optimistic and loving as they are now, and that the big bad world does not take this away.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

What if...

Mostly, although I say I am a grumpy old woman, I have a sense of humour about things and I am generally optimistic. Give me a half a glass of water and I will say it's half full.

But last night I completely lost my sense of humour. Yes, some drink had been had, but no excuse.

I used more 'f**k's' in a sentence than I have in a long time.

I have had a pretty grim week at work....

I had a bout of IBS on Friday night and ended up in bed by 9.30pm.

I have the lie in on Saturdays but woke up exhausted and couldn't shake the tiredness all day. I did nothing with the kids and was irritable with them.

I had also woken up covered from the neck down in a rash, and after speaking to the hospital I have to stop taking the tablets for the gout that the other tablets may cause. And I had my period.

I second guess every feeling, every ache, is it my disease, is it a side effect from the tablets?

On Saturday some friends came over and I thought I was coming out of this grump. I cooked a meal for them, drank some wine and we started playing a game that normally has us all falling about laughing. And I was.

But then something was said and I flipped, I was so angry and pissed off.

I went to bed, I was in bed by 10.45pm and very upset.

I am angry that I am ill that doctors refer to 'my disease', I am angry that I have no energy, I am angry that I have to continue as if I haven't had totally earth shattering news, and when I am not angry I slip into the world of what if's....what if I don't see my girls grow up, what if I am not there for all their firsts..first boyfriend, first kiss, first day in a job, at college? My head could explode with the what if's....what if my husband can't cope? What if after working for all these  years I don't get to retire and do all the things we wanted.

What if I have wasted time, missed opportunities, not done all the things I intended.


So I want to say I am sorry. Sorry to anyone who may be on the receiving end of my anger it wasn't meant for you. I am just a little bit out of sorts, and I am sure if there was a counsellor out there they would tell me it is normal to go through this and then I will move to acceptance. (I am even angry about that...)

I am sorry for this self pitying dialogue - this is not my normal style - I just needed to get things off my chest. I feel a bit better now.

Thanks XXX

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